originalbeachboy | for brave_heart

for brave_heart_verity

[Sandman could in fact not dance the maccarana atop the Empire State Building, because he couldn't dance the maccarana.

He could, however, easily appear at an open window atop an elongated pair of legs and seamlessly slip in a stream of sand into Verity's home. Force of habit as much as anything, his tendency to take the 'back entrance' to anywhere was one of the reasons he was so tricky to catch.]

Yo, doll! You around?

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Loads of 'em. Most of 'em were useless or worse, but they came. We even set it up in the Baxter Building, caught the whole Fantastic Four before we held try-outs.

[He pinches the bridge of his nose in the way people only do when thinking about the most frustrating stupidity.]

I worked for years with a guy who called himself Paste-Pot Pete and he was the most competent guy in the room that day.

And the cops didn't break up the party?

[She takes a long drink.]

I'm really starting to regret the whole "paying taxes" part of being an adult.

None of the guys who showed up were wanted criminals, so couldn't do nothing about them. Dunno why they didn't come up for US though. Maybe we're that frightful.

[He shrugs widely.]

We had just taken down the FF. And Thundra and Tigra, 'cept she was called the werewoman at the time.

[Which, as anyone who knows the basics of linguistics knows, is stupid.]

Maybe they were waiting for someone with powers to show up?

[Yeah, that code name is giving her inner linguistics lover a minor fit.]

Definitely not buying a ticket to the policeman's ball this year.

Yeah, one did. Evil alternate Reed Richards from the other side of the sun, who joined our team.

[Said so casually.]

I'd rather have the cops still hang around though. They're easy to handle.

Probably why they don't mess with you. They know they can't.

I know it's cruel, but I always love it when the odd one tries.

[He lets out a little chuckle.]

The look on their faces when cuffs go right through my wrists is priceless!

[She smirks at the thought.]

That does sound pretty funny. Do you have a catchphrase for when you do that?

Nah. Never really had a catchphrase. Unless you count 'Nothing can stop the Sandman.' I used to say that a lot, but then the Juggernaut came along and ruined it.

[ And no, he's not related to Cain Marko.]

Well that's rude.

[Hey, she brought snacks. And they've made a good start on the drinking, so they should probably eat something. Would he rather the spicy candied nuts, or the parmesan crisps?]

But I guess there's no honor amongst thieves.

Hey! I got plenty of honour. There's a code.

[He goes straight for the nuts, but it's clear when they're in his mouth they're not actually what he expected.

Not that he dislikes them, just a bit of surprise on his face for a second.]

...Not so many of us follow it any more though. Used to be everybody played the same game, but now...

[Long slow sigh goes here.]

You're better than them. Something something punk kids, right?

[She's teasing. And wondering what's up with his reaction to the nuts.]

Are they too spicy?

Nah, just weren't expecting it. They're good.

[He chews thoughtfully on them for a bit.]

It ain't all the new guys, anyway. I ever tell you 'bout Rhino?

Mm, no. Don't think so.

[But story time always gets her interest. There are very few fine storytellers in the world, and fewer who are honest.]

He's one of the only guys I ever met I knew was dumber than me. Aleksei Sytsevich. This big idiot, he's a Russian mobster but just a thug with no future, right? Until opportunity knocks and some scientists spend a billion rubles or whatever it is on putting this giant moron into a rhinoceros onesie so he can kidnap an astronaut.

[Every insult is delivered with the sort of fond tenderness of true friendship that allows the most vicious words.]

We only worked together the one time, the last time for Doc Ock. [When the Sinister Six thought they were saving the world from global warming and the world bought it, but whoops. Turns out Doc Ock is a psycho who wanted to kill everything because he was dying.] But we met plenty of times, in prison a lot. Bars with no names. Just around. He only knew how to put one foot in front of the other. I seen the guy tear a tank in half so easy it was like he didn't even notice, but with these giant hands like a Christmas ham I also seen him do the most delicate carpentry you ever seen in your life.

He follows the code. He's a crook. But he did it all to feed his family at first, then he didn't know how to do nothing else. Especially when he turned into a [He stops himself saying freak, just to not start the argument again.] superhuman. Remind you of anyone?

[She's glad he didn't use that word again.]

I can see where you'd feel some kinship with him, yeah.

...why was he supposed to kidnap an astronaut?

I'm gonna venture a guess here and say he did it for money. Somebody smarter than him probably had some plan or other.

[Truth all around here.]

And you know what? After the whole stupid Civil War debacle... He went straight too. Served time, got out early. Fell in love. Got married. I know for a fact he got dirty job offers, 'cos I made one of 'em, but turned 'em down because he found someone worth turning around for. Him, guy who could only ever go in straight lines.

You know what happened? Some idiot, some monster kills her so Aleksei will put the suit back on and fight. So he can say he beat the Rhino. Guess what? [He pauses, just long enough to show a sinister smile.] He didn't.

[That is horrible and sad, and now she's sad.]

That's terrible. I hope... I hope he's okay?

He's dead. And if somehow he isn't, he turns up somewhere like guys like us do, I'll put him down myself.

[Big honking lie. He might try to, but he wouldn't. He has a big thing about not turning his back on people for better or worse.]

Because he decided that if he didn't have her, the world wasn't worth existing and tried to kill everyone. Like he was the only guy who ever got a broken heart. I saved his life a year before that, you know. I saved his rotten life and he tried to kill my ma and my daughter and everyone I hadn't met yet.

These days, feels like I'm the last man alive following the code.

[She takes a quiet moment to process all this.]

Grief makes a lot of people lash out. I guess people with powers will lash out more noticeably. But I hope if he comes back, he's okay.

I hope he stays at the bottom of the ocean and a squid eats him.

[...Okay, so he THINKS he means it.]

[She gives him a long quiet look.]

[And then she'll change the subject.]

Do any of your stories have a happy ending?

[He thinks on this.

Every now and then he opens his mouth to answer, then stops, reconsiders and starts evaluating another story until-]

Okay, so one time the Thing gets hospitalised. As you can imagine, every hood this side of the equator wants to deep six him while he's vulnerable so there's hundreds of crooks storming this place. All his pals are out there to keep 'em at bay and no one is in there guarding him.

So who is gonna notice sand slipping through the vents in the middle of all that mess, headed right for the stony orangutan with no one in the way?

[He pauses to gauge her reaction as to how this could possibly have a happy ending that wasn't horrible, neglecting to mention that at the time Ben Grimm was his friend.]

[She does look a little dubious at first, but she trusts him.]

You wouldn't hurt someone who was that vulnerable. You've got honor.

Depends who it is.

[He sucker punches people all the damn time and the Thing in particular, for instance even attacking him in his sleep on occasion.]

But at the time, I was pretending he was my friend. [The 'pretending' is a gigantic, screaming lie caused by his brainwashing. It just sort of comes out, even if he then continues the story with them sharing a true friendship. So many little inconsistencies like that in his fractured psyche.] So I snuck in with cigars and beer, and kept the poor ugly smuck company. You should have see his dumb face, grinning like a dope.

for brave_heart_verity

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And then we got Superior Spider-Man, who honestly, I miss.

I liked it, but felt it ended when it needed to. It was getting hard to see heroes buying it.

Yeah, it was unsustainable in the long-term, but I loved Otto and Anna Maria.

I will never get over Otto's 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN IM NOT A DOCTOR' moment.

Priceless. Did you read Superior Foes?

Catching up! Great stuff. Funny story, Boomerang is Flint's cousin-in-law. Or was. I dunno anymore.

If it's a story Boomerang told, there's no way of knowing.

I've yet to track down where it was revealed, but apparently it is a thing.

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